Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
