Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
