Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
