Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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