Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
