Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
