I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
