Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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