So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sex in a hospital.. check
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
