u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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