now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
