go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
