haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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