You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
