wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
