You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pants are for mortals
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
