Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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