Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
