his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Couch. On fire.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
