i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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