So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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