Porn is love you can see.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
