Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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