So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The uberlube is also flammable
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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