Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
