So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I currently don't understand fingers.
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