So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
