yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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