so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
