Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ruined the universe
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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