My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
