shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
