I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
