i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
