Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
