Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
