Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
