You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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