I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
