Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
