Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
