how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
