census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
