What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
