Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
