I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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