no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize