what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
