so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
