The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
