Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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