This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
