Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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