if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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