Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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