Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
