i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
