I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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