have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
