Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize