Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
worst night to have a conscience
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
