I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
