I met the friendliest cop last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
