i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
