"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
