dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
