you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
