well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize